Assignment, from This is a challenge. All right, ladies and gentlemen, start your keyboards. The challenge is this: write the creepiest, weirdest, squick-fulest slash you can think of. Limits are: no more than 500 words per entry; no more than two entries per person; and no bestiality, because I said so (tentacles don't count as bestiality). Deadline: this Friday at 11:59 pm. Winner gets to name their prize, within my capabilities and within reason. I am sole judge. Mwa ha ha. Begin. [Ack, this story has terrible voice problems. Also, it reveals more about the author than about the characters. Sorry.] "Ed and the Angels" "Is it so wrong," I asked Ed, "to love fictional characters?" "Yes! What if they were real? What if I had these feelings for actual women?" He squinted at me, like he always does when he's not wearing his glasses. "Not women, angels," I corrected. He continued, oblivious to my correction, "I even think about not having sex with them." "You mean having sex with them?" "No, not having sex with them. Because they're like that angel in Dogma. They don't have any parts. They're asexual. I'm asexually attracted to them." "So why would that be so bad? You're not having sex with me, and it's not so bad." It was so bad. I had wanted Ed desperately since I moved into Lowell. When we were freshmen, it wasn't so bad. I thought he was cute, and all, but there wasn't this horrible aching. Now, the thought of having him made me sweat. I wiped my hand over my brow through my greasy blond hair. "And you're not having sex with them now, right?" Ed squinted again. It was so cute that I missed the first bit of his sentence. "... there would have to be some consummation to our relationship. The angels represent that culmination. Uh, there's Evasive A, showing that the best thing in life is getting away with something. There's Magic A, because when something incredibly improbable happens, you feel strangely good about it, as if you somehow caused it. There's Realistic A, because if something totally fucking magic happened, rather than just something very improbable, you wouldn't believe it. That lucky happiness would turn to ashes." I knew I didn't want to know the answer, but my curious mouth got the better of me yet again. "What about the fourth one? Like, Forbidden A?" Then I stopped thinking about her. "You're not supposed to think about Forbidden A," Ed replied automatically, but his heart wasn't in it. Something had gone out of him. I wanted to protect him from whatever was eating him. "That's just it. What I want most in life, I can't have. I'm in love with four fictional angels. One of them can't be caught, and another I'm not even supposed to think about." "It could be worse. You could be in love with a real person, a person you see every day at breakfast, who doesn't even seem to notice you." "Huh?" "Nevermind." --- Angels answer emptiness with hope. That night, when I prayed, they appeared to me. "No prayer can catch me!" said Evasive A. "Then how come you're here?" "I'll let Realistic A take that one!", said Evasive A, successfully evading the question. Realistic A knew my prayers had summoned them. "We're here until we grant you one boon. The quicker you command us, the quicker we can get home." "I want him to want me, not you." "Done," said Forbidden A, so quickly that I couldn't even turn to notice her. --- The next morning, Ed was compelled to kiss me.